Commander Vog placed his spectacles on the desk, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s what?” He asked the underling.

The underling gulped nervously. “Er, it’s not ... not worked, sir.” He stammered.

Vog replaced his glasses and took a deep breath. “How do you mean?”

“Well, something a bit odd’s happened, sir.”

Vog glared at the underling. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he needed to glare at somebody, and this guy just happened to be there.

The underling backed slowly out of Vog's office, grinning inanely.

How had the plan failed? They had assured him it was absolutely fool proof and he had believed them. Vog had been so reassured by this that he had personally gauranteed to the UN that it would all be over by Christmas. It didn’t look like he was going to make the deadline.

Vog stormed out of his office. Heads would roll.

Prof Steadman had been the head of the project for less thatn 6 months, but in that time he had masterminded a phenomenal series of groundbreaking experiments. The project had moved so rapidly and so assuredly towards its goal of ultimate destruction, Steadman had felt sure he could have everything tied up by Christmas.

He’d been wrong. They had encountered some ... unforeseen circumstances. Some would have said that sending an underling was a cowardly thing to do. Steadman, however, liked living. He’d hoped the long walk to the lab would calm Cmdr Vog down.

He was wrong about that too.

The door slammed open. “What in the name of blue blazes is going on?! Why the hell is it not going to work?!! Where the fuck is Steadman?!!!!”

Steadman rose from his desk. “Good afternoon to you too, Commander.” He was sure he could actually see steam coming out of Vog’s ears. This was not going to be easy.

“Don’t you give me any of your lip, boy, I’m perfectly within my rights to have you taken outside and shot. You wouldn’t be the first head scientist to face the firing squad round here.”

No, not easy at all. Steadman cleared his throat. “Yes, well, there have been ... unforeseen circumstance.”

“Like?”

“Ah-hah.” Steadman's stilted laugh only seemed to enrage Cmdr Vog further. “Well, let me recap, the situation first.”

“If you must.” Vog slumped into a chair and lit a stoogie. Smoking was utterly forbidden in the lab of course, but the Professor did not feel pointing this out would necessarily enhance his chances of continued survival.

“As you know, it has been nearly 23 years since the incident occurred and mankind’s Martian colonies were forced to move beneath the surface. It is therefore also some 23 years since this body was established to find a solution. However, it has only been in the last six months that I joined this team and hope returned,” Steadman began.

“Can the flowery resume and get to the point, Steadman,” Vog grunted.

“Indeed. The problem this scientific research organisation has been tackling is the uncontrolled mutation and spread of insects on the Martian surface. Following the great war of 2008, insect population began to spiral out of control. But not only this, the insects began to change- they became larger and much more resilient; they were also somehow focused and seemingly working to a common goal. The goal of eliminating humanity.”

“I hate bugs.” Vog flicked ash onto Steadman’s notes. Steadman forced a grin.

“Who doesn’t?” He said. “The problem we’ve faced, then, is that of eliminating this uber-biblical plague, but somehow not killing ourselves and all the life that remains on the surface. The obvious choices of NBC attacks would leave the surface almost un-inhabitable thus, new science has been needed.”

“My solution was to construct a nano-agents that attacked these mutant bugs at a genetic level. It would seek out and destroy the mutant bugs, leaving their normal cousins unharmed. It would also be so focused as to leave all other species unaffected.”

“With my genius at the helm,” Vog raised an eyebrow and Steadman’s words caught in his throat slightly, “it wasn’t long before a potential process was identified. The genes causing the mutations would be attacked directly and as you know we have managed to reach the final testing phase in record time.”

“So what’s gone wrong?” The pre-amble seemed to have calmed Vog somewhat.

“There have been some unforeseen circumstances. I think it’s best that you see for yourself.”

Mr Valence had only volunteered for the test procedure for a bit of spare cash. The recruitment agent had assured him that nothing could possibly go wrong. He’d been shown videos, there had been talks and he’d even read the pamphlet they gave him. He’d felt so confident that nothing would go wrong he’d already spent the money on a Christmas holiday for the family.

Somehow, this hadn’t turned out to be the nice little earner he’d hoped.

“Good God!” Exclaimed Vog as he entered the viewing chamber. He nearly swallowed his cigar. “Is this some sort of joke?”

“No joke, I’m afraid.” Steadman walked up to the intercom and pressed the little red button. “Mr Valence? Could you please stand up and give us a twirl?”

Valence did as he was asked. “What the hell’s happened? When are you going to change me back?” he shouted. Steadman took his finger off of the intercom button.

“Well?” Said Vog, “when are you?”

“I’m not. This is permanent.”

“But he’s turned bright GREEN!”

“He is in perfect health, apart from the colour. It seems that the latent genes activated by the nano agents have reacted to give this skin discolouration. The genes cannot be de-activated, to the best of our knowledge. Humans are the only species we’ve found this effect in. It seems that we may have to rethink our plans somewhat.”

To Steadman’s surprise, Commander Vog hadn’t killed him. In fact he looked almost thoughtful. Then, Vog started to smile. He needed to make a phone call.

Valence picked up the microphone and the large screen in the centre of the Martian Broadcasting Corporation Television studio went blank. “And so it seems there really are little green men from Mars, and I was the first of them!”

The audience roared with laughter. They were green too.